Looking after Yourself
If you are facing separation or divorce, consider a divorce coach. They become your thinking partner and will help you make key decisions through this difficult time, writes Bridgette Jackson, founder of Equal Exes.
23 May 2023
No-one wants to think about how a break-up would play out, especially at the start of a happy new relationship or in a longer-term relationship that feels fail-proof.
However, most separations or divorces are extremely challenging and full of unwanted surprises and short and long-term impacts. Consider how a break-up might play out and what you would not want to happen. In this reflection, it is about looking after yourself.
It is always good to start how you mean to go on. At any relationship stage, it is perfectly acceptable to tell your partner you always want to stay involved in all joint decisions, including your finances. This is the area which has the biggest impact on your life beyond the relationship.
When it comes to who fares worse from a divorce, both sexes are affected, but for different reasons. Women tend to be the losers financially, with approximately one in five women falling into poverty.
Six top tips
Here are some tips worth taking into consideration to safeguard your future, regardless of the state of your relationship.
- Keep your own circle of close friends, people that know you as you and not as a couple.
- Have your own hobby, one that gives you satisfaction and preferably one you leave the house for.
- When it comes to your career/job, and children, childcare can take a huge part of your income. On the flipside, consider what it gives you: staying employed keeps your skills up to date and your independence, with a network of professional contacts. If working is not an option, consider a voluntary role as that too can be important.
- It is a good idea to keep an inventory of your combined assets that includes physical assets such as art, jewellery and any financial investments and keep it up to date. Financial assets include things such as KiwiSaver, Airpoints and investments.
- Maintain your own bank account with a different bank and build your own nest egg of funds over time.
- Be committed to staying involved and vested in the household finances and combined income. Also, aim to keep across expenses on a monthly basis such as fees, rates, insurance and school fees or tuition fees, even if you are not paying for them from your own money.
If you ever find yourself in the position of facing separation or divorce, consider a Divorce Coach. They become your thinking partner and will help you make key decisions through this difficult time. A Divorce Coach will ensure you have a plan post-divorce as well as guide you, while keeping your emotions under control, so ultimately you can move on faster. This support will lead to a healthier and more positive separation process.
Set your goals and intentions for post-divorce as a rainy-day precaution. Devoting the time to plan for a break-up, no matter how unexpected, will help minimise the financial and emotional impact on yourself.
Bridgette Jackson, founder of Equal Exes, is a CDC-certified Divorce/Separation Coach, a Settlement Strategist and qualified lawyer with a post-graduate dispute resolution qualification. She is also a trained divorce mediator.
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